Never say never, but a relationship usually never works out for most couples who are living within a more than two hours’ drive distance from one another. I should know because I was involved with someone who lived in another country and it took planning, money, and a three hour airplane ride each way for us to spend time together. In the end, we couldn’t make things work and we decided to go our separate ways.
Back then, I thought that the money and travel time spent were worth the investment to spend time with someone who I thought was the right person for me. Nowadays, I feel exhausted just thinking about all of the effort involved in making it work, and frankly, I don’t think many long distance relationships are worth it.
Do long distance relationships work? I’ve certainly witnessed successful pairings that started out as long distance relationships and evolved into marriage or long term partnership. However, I’m skeptical enough about that kind of relationship that I feel compelled to warn you about the obvious drawbacks that you should consider.
You need face time with your partner
I’m not referring to Apple’s Face Time videophone product when I stress needing face time with your mate. I’m talking about having your partner right there beside you face to face when you achieved important life wins and when you bounced back from struggles. Your boyfriend or girlfriend should be the person whose shoulder you can rest your head on when you need to have a good cry, or, when you need to gain some much needed perspective from their insights. A long distance partner cannot offer you much comfort when what you really want is to be held in their arms. Even if you’re not a clingy person, you will miss not having your partner nearby to interact with.
Technology is great, but it can’t provide live touch and affection. People who first connect on the Internet will be curious to know how they get along in person. The only way to truly test and see how two people get on with each other is for them to spend more time in each other’s presence. Telephone conversations can’t replace the human touch. Long distance relationships keep couples far apart from each other at times when they need each other the most. When you are facing a tough situation, you want your loved ones close to you to give you encouragement.
The feelings of resentment will eventually build up
The beginning of a long distance relationship is usually very exciting. You both feel amazed that you have finally found who you hope is the right person. If only you lived closer to each other, and then you could make your dreams come true. Right? Well, not always. The distance between you and your long distance lover is actually a buffer that prevents you from seeing each other at your worst moments. You’ll both act your best when you communicate via phone and computer, but what happens when you meet in person and you realize that your partner’s lazy attitude about paying bills and being responsible drives you crazy?
How about when you only have a few days to spend together, but your partner’s family members keep phoning and intruding on your time together because they want your partner’s full attention because they are used to having that time and attention all of the time? Those are irritants that your mate won’t likely disclose to you right away about how their life is truly like when you’re not around. Long distance partnerships get a jump start again whenever you and your partner make the sacrifice to travel to be together, but the resentment you’ll feel will be too overwhelming to ignore when you or your mate returns home. Suddenly, you’re alone again and you have to go to social functions alone and see your friends and couples who you don’t know showing public displays of affection to each other. Knowing that you have a mate who lives far away will bring you little if any comfort because you don’t feel like you’re part of a couple when you spend more time apart than together.
You feel like your time is being wasted
All we really have is this moment right now. Hopefully, tomorrow will come, but what if it doesn’t? Do you really want to spend your life pining away for someone who you can’t even be completely sure is being faithful to you when you’re not spending time together? Sure, there absolutely can be long distance relationships where the couples involved are 100 per cent faithful to each other, but those couples are serious about closing the distance between them as soon as possible. When two people want to be together, both of them will work together to create a life where they are living if not in the same home together, at least they’ll be in the same town. If your partner resists committing to building a future with you, then there’s no point spending your time and money traveling to be together.
If a long distance relationship doesn’t work out like you hoped, it is common to feel bitter about the money and time you invested in a situation that had red flags from the start. You may ask yourself why you didn’t see the red flags and take heed sooner. But the answer, of course, is that you were in love and you wanted to do everything possible to make things work. You can’t get your money and time back, but you can at least make better choices for the future.
As the owner of three worldwide dating websites, I have been very pleased and continue to be pleased when I read the testimonials left on my sites from people who found their partners via my dating websites. Some of the testimonials are from couples who lived across the world from each other, and they still decided to take their chances on love and invest their time and money traveling to meet each other in person and see if the chemistry between them could survive the challenges. The couples that survive long distance relationships are those who are serious and focused about making their dreams come true. They are strong and willing to put in the work required to make the sacrifices needed to be a real couple who are part of each others’ lives full-time instead of a couple that only sees each other here and there throughout the year. Do yourself a favour and aim to find a compatible partner who lives within a reasonable distance from where you live. If you happen to meet someone you fancy who happens to live a large distance away from you, get to know each other as friends first and only allow a relationship to slowly develop if his or her actions match their words of intent.
